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The first to apologize is the bravest. The first to forgive is the strongest. The first to open the vodka is the smartest.
Doing nothing is very hard to do, you never know when your finished.
Shout out to all the kids who could never find their name on souvenir keychains and license plates. That sh!t hurt.
Not to brag, but I can spend hours coming up with reasons not to do something that takes 5 minutes.
Some people are just bad news!!! Those are my favorite!
this is a status you spent your time reading: sj
I’m pretty sure I could start a new life with only the crap in my car.
I made a huge TO DO list for this weekend. I just can’t figure out who’s going to do it.
You know it`s time to delete Facebook when your mom, dad, uncles, aunties, grandparents etc... is on it.
My daughter said, "You`re the best mommy ever!" I`m really proud that she`s learning sarcasm at such a young age.
I thought my life would include more impromptu sing-alongs.
I’ve spent way too much of my life wondering why food doesn’t rhyme with good.
Shoplifting is just undocumented shopping.
I wonder if my neighbors are more tired of hearing my dog bark or me screaming at it to shut the f*ck up.
most teens are switching to twitter instead of facebook. noone wants to get on facebook and catch dad pocking mom... if you kno what I mean;)