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My superpower is making people laugh ... Which would be great if I was trying to be funny
I have off-road rage, too
My wife was afraid of the dark......then she saw me naked.........now she is afraid of the light.
Commercials led me to believe that changing shampoos would have a much bigger effect on my life.
Please don`t post pictures of cats on my FB wall. I am allergic.
i feel naked without my mobile !
To this day, the boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money. On the plus side, he makes a great Subway sandwich.
and alcohol are now friends.
You are not a "Food Blogger", you`re a "Fat a$$ with a laptop"
I liked you better before we met.
That awkward moment when the woman your dancing behind bends over so you can grind it, and you realize she`s just lost an earring and nobody in Starbucks can hear your iPod...
That annoying moment when a package says "easy open" and you need scissors, a knife, a gun, and a lightsaber just to open it.
As I get older, I`ve learned to relax and not stress over trivial matters. Just kidding, I`m drunk.
I’m trisexual, as in, I’ll try to have sex with you.
Calling your girlfriend beautiful because you forgot her name.