Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I swear that logging in to Facebook has become the equivalent of opening the fridge door and staring inside even though you`re not hungry.
Well today I turned 26, not because I wanted to, but only because Facebook limits how many times you can actually change your birth year !
I wonder how long I can keep "eating for two" before people notice I`m not actually pregnant.
OK. Who decided to call it "possession of marijuana" and not "joint custody"?
I think my girlfriend’s hallucinating. She keeps telling me she’s seeing other people.
That awkward moment when you realize this year is just going to be filled with morons talking about the end of the world the whole time.
I`m "keeps a pair of underwear in the glove box because I don`t trust my farts anymore" years old.
I never said I hated you. I just said that if you where on fire, I would consider roasting marshmallows. Big difference.
If you hear a roommate having loud sex, a cool thing to do is kick down the door and shout "player 3 has entered the game!"
I dreamt that was dreaming, and then someone woke me up and told me I was dreaming but it turned out I had only dreamed that so I went back to sleep in my dream, all upset that my dream that I was dreaming was interrupted by another dream....hahahahaha.....whoa, need to lay off the Red Bull.
I don`t know what`s longer, a treadmill minute or a microwave minute.
Despite what people may tell you, its the fat that makes you look fat... NOT the dress!! lol
Had a bad mixup at the store today. Cashier said strip down facing me. Apparently she meant my credit card.
You don`t get smarter as you get older. There just aren`t any stupid things left that you haven`t already done.
Social Media: Because I like to socialize with cool people without having to speak, wear pants or get off the couch.