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Surgery beds are basically cutting boards for humans.
A bee will knowingly risk its own life just to cause you a little pain. I can totally relate to that feeling.
When you`re accused of buying someone a gift last-minute at Walgreens, don`t reveal you actually went to Walgreens a month ago.
"Man, you know your bible verses forwards and backwards" - said no one ever
I am so thankful for all the people that aren`t in my life.
Why am I single? Answer me. . . ANSWER ME YOU STUPID CATS!!!
I can`t face my checkbook so I check my Facebook.
if you hold a dinner fork really close to your eyes, you can pretend that they`re in jail
Just remember, If we get caught you`re deaf and I don`t speak English.
Do u ever have the urge to tell someone to shut up even when they arent talking?
If listening to stupid people burned calories, I`d be a supermodel.
I Like this quote. I dislike this quote. I am so clever that sometimes I don´t understand a single word of what I am saying.
On the bright side, my coffee will never get cold in hell.
I just put Santa hats on all my Halloween decorations.
"I understand your logic, but let`s try to look at this more emotionally." - women