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Being an adult is mainly drinking coffee and pretending to be productive.
More food should come with prizes inside it.
I try to avoid picking up turtles on the side of the road. Just in case they are in the middle of a race.
The amount of people who confuse "to" and "too" is amazing two me.
I was visited by three spirits last night, Vodka, Rum And Gin. . .
I feel like the majority of Eminem`s songs are just him reading from his diary with angry background music.
Calm down ... Take a deep breath and hold it for about 30 minutes.
Do you guys know there are "actual" people out there that don`t have a Facebook account? What the hell do they do all day?
According to my nipples, there is a 99% chance it`s cold as hell right now!
Do I look like Christopher Columbus? Am I guiding a ship to a new land? So, when I ask for directions, please don`t use words like "East."
I find the best way to get rid of headaches is to send them either to their rooms or outside to play.
I`ve got big plans for the weekend. If things go well, come Monday morning I`m gonna need a chiropractor, a psychiatrist, a priest and bail money.
I may look calm, but in my head I´ve punched you in the face 3 times already!
So apparently I`ve been Googling `Asian Prom` this whole time. I watched like seven videos before I realized they weren`t going to bang.
Being handed a flyer is the offline version of a pop-up ad.