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Of all the things I have lost in life I mis my mind the most
There`s nothing better than a nap after a good nights sleep.
The self-checkout line was a miracle for the condom industry.
You may think I`m dumb but you overestimate me.
I always take a number at the deli, and I`ve been keeping them.... Eventually I`ll have all the numbers and it will always be my turn.
Happy Saturday… the day you can put as much booze into your coffee as you’d like to put in on Monday.
I decided I`m not doing the whole clock-back routine this year. If you need me, I`ll be in the frickin future.
Sorry I can’t make it to your party tonight. I have to get up really early tomorrow afternoon.
Raise the bar..? Like go and drink upstairs..?
Life is not fair. But life is not fair for everyone, which actually makes it fair.
Found out today you cannot join a gym "just to watch".
"This isn`t my first rodeo" -Guy at his second rodeo
Sometimes I just go on Facebook to see who has been dumped and who is pregnant.
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
How I sing it: "A, B, C, D, E, F, G,....H, I, J, K, A LEMON OH PEE!....Q, R, S....T, U, V....W, X....Y, and Z."