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Did anyone hear the one about the cross dresser? The happiest day in his life was when he finally got into his girlfriend`s pants.
One good thing about having kids is that they are sick every time I get invited to something I don`t want to do.
It`s hard to trust humans; even the blind prefer to be guided by dogs.
Plumbers should keep busy this week now that No Shave November is over..
If it looks like a pig and walks like a pig, do me a favor & tell my ex girlfriend I said hello.
A good lawyer knows the law ... A great lawyer knows the judge.
You know that confused look that old people get when looking at new technology? I`m like that, but with salad.
The longest yard for me is that space between me and the nacho dip
Often think if I`d taken a different path in life, I could be lying on a slightly more comfortable sofa right now.
I like candle lit dinners, romantic walks on the beach, and hardcore pornography.
The only exercise I`ve done this month is running out of money
Everyone’s an optimist when it comes to their car’s fuel gauge.
When you say "9 out of 10 forest fires are caused by humans." All I hear is "there`s a bear out there that knows how to use matches."
awkward moment when the dentist is talking to you with his hands on your mouth
“You look tired” is just a polite way to tell someone they look like sh*t.