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I always stop to help women broke down. I don`t know sh!t about cars, but I do know how a good porno starts off!
Getting out of bed was my worst mistake today.
Why does this membership application to the YMCA not have "The Village People" as an option for "How did you hear about us?"
Keep talking; someday you’ll say something intelligent.
Doctors who expect me to pee on command, I`m not some kind of stunt pee-er, you know.
Honestly, I’ver never see anyone fall because of a banana.
Was disappointed when I watched the films Shaft, XXX, X-Men, In To Deep, Snatch, The Box, Free Willy. None of them were what I expected...
Let`s share...you take the grenade and I`ll take the pin.
Boobs are like friends. Some are big. Some are small. Some are real. Some are fake. And some are just so fantastic you want everyone to meet them.
A word to the wise isn`t necessary - it`s the stupid ones that need the advice.
I just ate a Cheeto that melted perfectly in my mouth! It was Awesome! ....Until I realised that was the highlight of my day.
This weekend, a woman in colorado gave birth inside a Wal Mart. Apparently, its the first thing found in a Wal Mart not made in China.
Man, the first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.
As I slowly ran my finger down her G string I thought to myself, this is a nice guitar.
FANNNN...DANNNNN....GOOOOO. Breathe The A`s.