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When girls have a great night out, they talk about it for months. When guys have a great night out, that night will never be spoken of.
The Swiss must`ve been pretty confident in their chances of victory if they included a corkscrew in their army knife.
I`ve never been skydiving, but I`ve zoomed in on Google Earth really, really fast.
If I randomly burst out in laughter, it`s usually `cause I just told myself a joke I`d never heard before :)
I imagine a world where whining on Facebook is illegal.
Choosing A Career Is Like Chosing A Wife From 10 Girls. Even If You Pick The Most Beautiful, Intelligent, Kindest Woman, There`s Still Pain Of Losing The Other 9
I got in touch with my feminine side today... I made myself a sandwich.
lord, we beg you for tupac, and in return you can have justin bieber
I hate lying to kids but my daughter asked me what twerking was and I told her it was when identical twins go to each others` jobs
Anybody else have those FB friends that set up a FB account 4 years ago and posted once or twice and hasn`t been back on since? And you wonder how they can exist without a Life?
My penis was in the Guinness book of World Records. Then the librarian told me I had to take it out before she called security.
The most dangerous piece of machinery a person can operate while drinking is the telephone
When the coffee stops working it is probably the right time to start drinking.
We live in a time where "He is hot" is more important than "He is a nice guy."
Coworker: I have a degree in History. Me: That`ll really come in handy if life starts going backwards.