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A good lawyer knows the law. An excellent one knows the judge.
Does Facebook offer a 401(k)?
You can`t fix STUPID, but you can Numb it with a 2x4.
Lying in bed, listening to the Doors. I really should oil the hinges...
there are so many scams on the internet now...... Send me $19.95 an I`ll tell you how you can avoid them
Checklist: Poke People ? Delete People ? Block People ? Send Friend Requests ? Accept Friend Requests ? Ignore Chats ? Make Stupid Photoshop Pics With My Face ?....Morning chores all done.
I swear this is the last time I watch Groundhog Day
The problem with working from home is the absence of sexual harassment.
If you don’t cuss when you drive you aren’t paying enough attention to the road.
My innocent look never works in the nude.
The most important part of being on a gluten free diet is telling everyone about it.
And then I was all: “I’m really getting sick of your shit, bitch.” And then she was all: “To speak with a representative please press 7.”
Whoever said "nothing is impossible" never tried to nail JELL-O to a tree.
I could see how 2 deaf guys arguing would appear to be gang related.
It`s like my pastor always says, "Who are you and why are you stealing wine?"