Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I celebrate 4/20 on January 5th, because I know how to reduce fractions unlik the rest of you morons.
Fact: Vegetarians live up to nine years longer than meat-eaters. Nine horrible, tedious, meaningless, worthless, baconless, cheeseburgerless, meatless years.
Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they`re looking for ideas.
I think every Taco Bell value meal should be called a "Number 2".
I have no problem admitting that you made a mistake.
Apparently putting Alka-Seltzer in my mouth while getting baptized and pretending I’m being possessed by the devil is not funny.
went to the book store earlier to buy a Where´s Waldo book. When I got there, I couldn´t find the book anywhere. Well played Waldo, well played.
I must have a great butt because every time I finish talking with someone and start to walk away, I hear them whisper "What an a$$."
I hope that man who was walking in memphis found out the way he really felt
I just encountered a spider bigger than my desire to be the man of the house.
I thought she would duck officer- me checking the psychic`s ability
I can`t really walk the walk, or talk the talk. But, if you need someone to drink the drink, I`m your man!
And today I learned to never ask a woman how she dye`s her roots black.
I`ve been having real problems with nuisance phone calls lately. The most common one seems to be "You said you`d be home from the bar three f*cking hours ago!"
Her: Do you want to run away with me? ME: We won`t actually be running, right?