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My 4-year-old thinks the 5-second rule means he can eat anything off the floor if he waits 5-seconds first. That M&M was from last Easter.
Size does matter-just ask Pluto.
Make a random stranger`s day by walking up to them and saying "This isn`t real. You have to wake up"
Your name should be Gelette because you`re the best a man can get
My lifetime stats are pretty average until you move over to the Pizza Consumed column.
"With a stroke of a pen your name can live on forever in a quote!... Unknown,
I want to live in a world where the Food Network delivers.
This guy at the gym just did four sets of selfies.
roses are red, violets are blue, god made everyone beautiful, what the hell happened to you?
If you`re "just sayin", then just shut the hell up.
It’s a status….not your diary…
I can`t wait to miss the upcoming season of American Idol.
Buy a "World`s Greatest Boss" mug and drink out of it in front of your boss.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is knowing not to put it in the fruit salad.
There are 10 types of people in the world, Those that understand binary, and those who don`t.