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Can`t dance? Spell your name....in the air...with your butt. BOOM! Next problem...
The only time I want to hear about your baby is when you tell me it ain`t mine.
keeps getting dirty voicemails from unknown numbers. If it`s you.. Send more
Anyone else ever thought about farting into one of those plastic cylinders at the bank drive-thru?
Timeouts just give children a quiet place to plot your murder.
When they say all expenses paid, does that include bail?
Slow dancing with a fat girl? More like moving a fridge by yourself.
The person before me got $0.57 worth of gas. My day doesn’t seem so bad now.
Being the fat guy at McDonald`s is like being the muscle guy at the gym. People stay out of your way cause they know you mean business.
I`m high as a kite! Let me rephrase that: I`m stuck in a tree.
Life in the fast lane ? Heck, I live in oncoming traffic.
I love my six pack abs so much that I cover them with a layer of fat .
If a cop pulls over a U-Haul, he`s trying to bust a move.
It`s such a beautiful day I had to open the window while I watched TV
The best part about pooping with the bathroom door open in the morning is being able to see everyones face at Starbucks.