Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Got kicked out of the hospital. Apparently the “head nurse” is just the one in charge of the other nurses.
Maybe my goal was to be a 35 year old loser on the Internet ... You don`t know.
Roses are red, violets are blue. If I had a brick, I`d throw it at you.
Stop asking why I’m still single. I don’t ask how you’re still married.
I applied for a government job today and accidentally sent the wrong resume. This early display of incompetence should work in my favor.
I can buy my own sugar. What I need is an insurance daddy.
My life is like a romantic comedy except there’s no romance and its just me laughing at my own jokes.
I can sum up my life in three words: “just browsing, thanks.”
Why are we still testing on animals when there are pedophiles in prison.
The only person whom a woman listens carefully & follows sincerely & does exactly as he says is a photographer
How do American chickens cross the road? In a bucket.
I was bitten by a mosquito last night. Bet that little bastard is pretty hung-over today
I can tell by your boobs that you`ve never seen a bar tab.
I hate it when I tell someone I`ll be there in 10 minutes, but they continue to call me every half-hour anyway
Of all the horrible ways to die I think healthy eating sounds the most painful.