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Adam: Eve, you read the terms and conditions before using that Apple product right? Eve: Uh yeah, totally
Ha! Who`s laughing now, f*ckers that took your Christmas lights down last year!
My anaconda will take whatever it can get at this point.
Sometimes, if you believe in something hard enough and deeply enough, nothing happens.
Starting to believe I`m trouble
I don`t get enough credit for not going on killing sprees.
Asking a guy, "Are you done with that?" & pointing to his girlfriend, is frowned upon. Apparently.
My living room is pretty much a fat camp without rules.
25% of of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness. The other 75% are running around untreated.
I`m tired of being the better person. One day I`d like to be the bitch that they claim I am.
Airplanes: offering you the comforts of gas station food/drinks at popular night club prices
Do you think regular dogs see police dogs and think, “Oh crap! It’s the cops!”?
Roses are red. Violets are blue. Sunflowers are yellow. I bet you were expecting something romantic, but this is just gardening facts.
I made this margarita with my kids` slushie machine ... Don`t judge
I hate when I`m admiring my good looks from a car`s window reflection and the people inside think I`m staring at them.