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I’m trusting a whole lot of people not to randomly murder me throughout the day.
If you play my day at work backwards, its about an idiot getting less and less annoying
Whoever said imitation is the sincerest form of flattery hasn`t had a 7yo mimicking their every word for the last 10 minutes.
When I was six, my dad threw me into the pool thinking I would instantly learn to swim. I probably would if it had water in it.
If you had to choose between your girlfriend or GTA 5 which character would you play as first?
Tattoos are an expensive and a painful way to guarantee that the police can make a positive identification
It’s getting harder and harder to find vodka-flavored vodka.
I liked you better before we met.
Somebody needs to teach opportunity how to use a doorbell.
I was hooked on auctions after only going once... going twice
Redneck WORD OF THE DAY: WATER My girlfriend gets mad and I don`t even know water problem is!
is it rude to throw a breath-mint in someone`s mouth while they are talking?
This post was going to be really funny but I didn`t write it down because I was totally sure I`d remember it.
Teacher:If I had 2 oranges in my left hand and 2 mangoes in my right hand, what would I have?? Student:Big hands!!
Movie comes on while im in bed: ugh ive seen this a million times. Movie comes on before I have to get ready for work: oh hell yea a classic