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My favorite coffee in the morning is the one where no one talks to me while I drink it.
What thinks the unthinkable? An itheberg.
I`ll never become mature enough to not laugh out loud when the person in the stall next to me farts so loud it sounds like a volcano just erupted.
This pizza looks like a pie chart of 100% good news.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Why don`t we wait for life on other planets to find us? Why do we have to do all the work?
Head & Shoulders needs to come out with a body spray that will help repel flakey people from my life.
I don’t need a reason to do stupid things, just a venue.
As long as there is an open textbook in front of you, nobody will question what you are doing on your laptop.
Trust me ...... I can`t believe I`m still here either.
Yea...sure! I was hoping someone would come and stand uncomfortably close to me today
Teacher: Why are you late!? Me: There was a man who lost a $100 bill..Teacher: That’s nice. Were you helping him look for it? Me: No, I was standing on it until he f*cked off.
Dora the explorer.... Y U NO GET GPS?
Shout out to hotel maids changing sheets on February 15th.
I wonder if there`s a margarita somewhere out there thinking about me, too.