Daily Silly Status

I hate those idiots with those bright halogen lights that are blinding, at least they can see my one finger salute.

My 4-year-old thinks the 5-second rule means he can eat anything off the floor if he waits 5-seconds first. That M&M was from last Easter.

Sex with human, ok. Sex with cow, not ok. Grabbing cow titty, ok. Grabbing Karen in accounting`s titty, not ok. Apparently.

Things were said. Feelings were hurt. Your car was set on fire. My point is you’re wrong & Raphael isn’t the best Ninja Turtle. Get over it.

I don`t know why you put your boat in Sh!t Creek to begin with.

roses are red , violets are blue , I got five fingers and the 3rd one for you ;)

I don`t know why Coca-Cola and Pepsi are fighting over what Santa drinks, everybody knows that big fat belly can only come from beers.

When my wife picks a restaraunt that I don’t like, I just say “oh yeah, that’s where that really cute girl works”. Problem solved.

Sleep is for people with no internet connection.

Don’t judge me until you’ve walked a mile with my shoes….shoved up your a$$.

Studies show that men who have sex more often tend to have a longer life expectancy. Unless your wife finds out.

The only thing worse than it raining after you wash your car is having to go poop after you get out of the shower.

They say I have a drinking problem. I say they have a problem with nudity.

Women with big breasts... ...can get a taxi on the worst days ...have a neat place to carry spare change ...have always been the center of the arts (art) ...make jogging a spectator sport ...can keep a magazine dry while laying in the tub ...have more negotiating power (with men shorter than them) ...usually can find leftover popcorn after a movie ...can always carry a little extra ...always float better ...know where to look first for lost earrings ...rarely lack for a slow dance partner ...hav

I don’t drink to forget, I… what was I saying?