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That person who waits to the last minute to change lanes and expects you to make room. NOT ON MY WATCH!
The best things in life are free, but they still screw you on shipping.
Forecast for the weekend... mild alcoholism, with a 70% chance of poor decisions and impaired judgement. Increasing chance of regret and hangover for Sunday.
One of my favorite discoveries about adulthood is that there are literally no rules stopping you from eating an entire row of Oreos at once.
Whenever I see a really hot girl with an ugly guy, I think "lottery winner".
I work out by ordering a small drink at Burger King, then get up 100 times to refill it.
Singing in the shower is illegal according to this Ikea security guard.
Putting on deoderant and colonge because you haven`t showered in days, is as about as useful as shutting the lid on a toilet after its overflowing.
When ur mom Calls and u have a party at ur house you; shut up!! Answers phone you; hi mommy!
Just once I want someone to make a movie that’s sideways on the screen so I can watch it laying down without getting a kink in my neck.
A friend of mine told me i have to update my self and I asked my self : does he mean there can be a latest version of me?
Single, means never having to say you`re sorry.
The wife has been missing a week now, police said to prepare for the worst, so I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.
I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I’m doing.
I read that India launched a rocket to Mars the other day. That seems like a strange place to put a call center?