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Before we start this relationship, I am going to need you to explain a few pics in your Facebook albums.
If it requires pants, its not happening today.
Change is hard. Seriously have you ever tried to bite a nickel?
If I had a time machine I`d go back to 900 A.D. and just scare the sh!t out of people with an electric toothbrush.
Remember that there’s always someone cooler, smarter, stronger or sexier than you. That would be me.
Should all acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind, should all acquaintance be forgot and somebody refill my wine.
Can`t reach it. Don`t need it.
Don`t talk to me like I`m stupid until you know for sure.
I was only 6 numbers away from winning the powerball.
I just saw a squirrel dragging a wine bottle bag up a tree ... I think I found my spirit animal.
Giving people the finger while driving just isn`t effective. Which is why I had the catapult installed.
I hate people who take drugs......like the police.
I just want you to be happy…and maybe a little bit naked.
Never underestimate a woman`s ability to make you feel responsible and guilty for her mistakes.
I`d explain it to you again but I`m fresh out of crayons and puppets