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Recipes sound good until you realize that you don`t have $846 worth of spices in your house.
Is it wrong, to put people on your bucket list?
Told my wife I wanted our kids every other weekend and she reminded me that we`re married & live together so I`d have to see them every day.
Do the spectators at golf tournaments know they don`t have to be there
The sperm bank is overpriced to store my stuff so if you come over, don`t use the cloudy ice cubes from the tray labelled "Future Champions"
It`s not often you see a pink poo in your bowl & realize that not everything is edible from the sex shop
My "check engine" light came on while driving to work this morning. I looked and the engine is still there...silly light.
Of course you have a right to your own opinion. Just like I have a right to tell you to shove it up your a$$.
Do you think Santa regrets giving all those bad kids coal now that global warming is threatening his home?
You make me feel "I`m-typing-this-with-my-middle-finger" angry.
How many instruments do you have to be terrible at before you start playing the triangle?
My relationship is like an iPhone, I don`t have an iPhone.
Fun Prank: Put $1000 in an envelope and mail it to me.
Life is to short ... to waste time matching socks.
There`s a pretty good chance I`ll end up being one of those senior citizens who randomly bites people...