Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won’t be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.
Pinatas are a great way to teach children that if you repeatedly beat something with a stick, eventually you’ll get what you want.
Sorry I pissed you off, but I find you much more entertaining this way.
“Are you completely sure this isn’t textable?” -the perfect voicemail prompt.
I don`t know why I don`t buy more piñatas. Like right now I would love to beat the shit out of something and then eat a bunch of candy.
Seagull Manager; Someone who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everyone and then leaves.
I`m done chasing people who aren`t willing to do the same for me. After today, the ice cream man can go f*ck himself!!
I have no idea what a bejeezus is,,, but apparently mine scares easy.
By thigh gap you mean the distance between the KFC and my mouth right.
I like to jump onto people`s backs as an unexpected piggy back. but sometimes I get carried away
OMG, what a day I had. If Monday was a guy, I`d punch him in the throat!
And Jesus said, those footprints on the beach where two sets become one, that`s where I unfollowed you.
I am a gentleman, based on the clubs I go to.
When I "rage against the machine" the machine is usually a printer.
Just discovered an app that tells you which one of your friends is stupid. It`s called Facebook.