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If I could have sex with anyone, living or dead, I`d probably pick living.
Would a transformer buy life insurance or car insurance?
Cop: do you know why I pulled you over? Me: pfft. I could think of like fifty reasons, I’m not falling for that.
My new years resolution is to try to actually finish someth
The bat signal seems pretty useless if they need Batman during the day.
That son of a b*tch moment when you`re walking around the house with socks on and step on a random wet spot.
The only people who care about my college degree are the college loan people.
I dreamed about you last night, and so you know; Shame on you!!
I`ve been hitting "remind me later" for about the last 4 years on Adobe.
A guy at work calls me "Partner" and another guy calls me "Chief". Apparently we`re playing Cowboys and Indians and I`m a double agent.
Take me seriously at your own risk.
When your feeling down, I will be there to feel you up. ;)
Are oranges named orange because they’re orange or is orange called orange because oranges are orange?
No matter how stupid you feel, remember, Little Red Riding Hood couldn`t figure out a talking wolf in drag wasn`t her grandmother.
Mosquito`s and parking inspectors must be from the same family...