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Doctors and scientists agree on the benefits of an afternoon nap, yet still my boss thinks he knows better. Ridiculous.
If you like someone, pretend they`re a charger and you`re an iPhone on 1%. Run to them. Grab them. Plug them in. Wait, I lost the metaphor.
It`s so hard to find obedient minions
I just dusted and mopped the house like 3 months ago and it’s dirty again. This is bullsh!t.
Not to brag, but I can spend hours coming up with reasons not to do something that takes 5 minutes.
This would be a "Good Morning!" status update, but it`s not, because morning sucks.
Sometimes I worry that eating pizza isn`t a real sport.
Empty your medicine cabinet and put another mirror in there. Scares the hell out of snooping house guests.
Hmmm… Who should I stalk on Facebook now? :)
Just remember, every day is a gift from God. Well except for Monday.. Satan slips that one in. He’s a sneaky bastard.
It must be really hard to judge wet t-shirt contests. I saw one recently, and all the t-shirts looked equally wet.
Don’t believe everything you think.
B!tch Please, your only fan is the one on your ceiling.
I`m going to spend Valentine`s day with my ex.... Box 360
roses are red.... my name is dave...this poem makes no sense.... microwave...