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When I was a kid they didn`t call it "Behavioral Disorders", They called it "Being a little brat".
My password is SupermanHulkThorGoku, that`s the strongest password I can think of.
When it comes to bug protection, you just can`t beat "OFF!".
I have many talents, but giving an f*ck isn’t one of them
Never take a laxative and a sleeping aid on the same night. dont ask me why.
If I was supposed to share them, they wouldn`t be called nachos.
I always make it a point to become friends with babies. That`s free cake once a year for a lifetime.
Headaches are when the voices inside my head get into a fist fight.
Own the day
Ten seconds of drug commercials are spent telling you what the drug is for and the rest is spent basically daring you to take it.
You don`t truly know someone until you see how they react to their bag of chips getting stuck in a vending machine.
According to my iPhone Health app, I walked 1,787 steps around this Golden Corral buffet tonight .... So I got that going for me.
I have a drinking problem. When I tilt my head back to take a drink, I can’t see my computer screen.
A friend suggested I see a therapist but the truth is, I like being f*cked up.
Sometimes I do totally awesome and amazing things just to throw people off.