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And that`s when I realized, it wasn`t the hamburger who needed help, it was me
You can’t call them “love handles” if nobody loves you
I`m hearing voices again. Probably because my window is open and there are people outside talking, but still.
My friends are the kind that would flirt with the fireman while my house was burning down.
My car broke down outside a massage parlor on today ... And again tomorrow.
People say that 60 is the new 40. The cop who pulled me over didn`t agree.
Only awesome people are allowed to ‘LIKE’ this status!
If you people knew how expensive, time consuming and hard this stalking stuff is you wouldn`t freak out every time you see me in your bushes.....geesh
The Braille on the drive-thru ATM actually says, "Move to the passenger seat"
Sometimes I think I’m too picky. Then I watch my dog look for a place to poop.
I read that taking a long, hot bath can help with managing stress. Unfortunately my boss doesn`t approve.
An important phone call is something that occurs when there`s no better excuse to ignore someone.
None of us have it as bad as the porcupine giving birth to another porcupine.
Attention...my facebook page has been hacked. But everyone seems to like the new guy better, me too actually...so f**k it!
Reincarnation is my only hope.