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These last 7 hours at work are always the longest.
Please do not read this.
We had a power outage last week and my PC, TV and games console shut down immediately, so I had to talk to my family for a few hours. They seem like nice people.
One of my biggest fears is that my car secretly records me singing.
It only takes one slow walking person in the grocery store to destoroy the illusion that I am a nice person.
don`t kiss the monitor, just ask me nicely..
Long time ago I used to be young and handsome.. Today? Just handsome
It`s so cold outside you can see your farts.
Swiss army knives are only like 8% knife.
I`ll be damned if after the 5 longest minutes of my life i am going to "allow to cool in microwave for 1 minute"!
Nice try speed bumps, it`s a rental.
I like when job applications have a “Some College” option so they know I’m an aimless loser.
Ever notice how many friends you have when you pull out a pack of gum?
Today I caught myself smiling… I was thinking of you… Don’t flatter yourself though, it was because you had a booger in your nose the last time I saw you.
There are some people in this world who make you totally understand Hannibal Lecter.