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I’d be more motivated to work out if the stationary bikes had a little basket to hold my snacks and beer.
New day, same old bullsh!t
If you can`t handle me at my worst...I don`t blame you, neither can I.
Don`t ask me how my night was coz I don`t know. I was asleep.
Keep talking; someday you’ll say something intelligent.
Do you ever wish you had a second chance to meet someone again for the first time?
Don`t waste my timeline.
I miss the old days when street gangs asserted their dominance through aggressive hair combing.
Therapy has taught me that it is all your fault.
I wish I could commute by roller coaster.
Nothing says "I`m unemployed" like wishing for snow on Facebook.
They said I couldn`t drink or operate machinery on my medication. But here I am…Driving a forklift…Sipping a beer…Lifting up my boss`s car…
I lost 3 pounds over the weekend, but not to worry I found them lastnight at pizza hut
I don`t gamble. I don’t drink. My one vice is my iPhone. Well, that and lying about drinking and gambling.
Women fall in love by what they hear. Men fall in love by what they see. That’s why most women wear makeup and most men lie.