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Its all fun and games until you realize your Capri Sun has no straw.
It’s 2013, why does good food still have calories.
There’s no question about it, the second half of the tank of gas goes twice as fast as the first!
If going to church has taught me anything, it is that Catholics hate unexpected pterodactyl impressions.
I don’t understand how my house gets so messy when I literally sit in one spot with my phone all day.
i dont drink any more and yet again i dont any less either
People are always weirded out when I take notes during episodes of Dexter.
I refuse to jump on the `I hate Mondays` bandwagon. I hate all workdays equally
You know it’s going to be a bad day when your horoscope starts with… “Are you sitting down?”
I bet if you walked up to any table at a restaurant and said "Good afternoon folks" they will let you take their order.
Shout out to all the girls who don`t have to dress half naked to get a mans attention. Stay classy! And the rest of you come with me.
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Starting tomorrow: Whatever Life throws at me… I’m gonna duck so it hits someone else.
I eat my Chinese food just like any other American, with chopsticks, one grain of rice at a time.
Setting the alarm clock proves I`m capable of making the same mistake every day.