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Women are like bacon: They look good, They smell good, They taste good, And they will kill you slowly.
A man who took an Airline company to court after his luggage went missing has lost his case.
I`m on this great new diet called "sleep through breakfast"
When people with multiple personality disorders are about to die, whose life flashes before their eyes?
If I ran NASA, it would be mandatory for the ground crew to be dressed as apes when the space shuttle lands.
My smoke detectors are always cheering me on for being such a great cook.
with great power...comes great electric bill...
I’m late for a disappointment.
Whoever snuck the s in “fast food” is a clever person.
Before Google, I averaged 220 Snapple bottles before I found the answer.
As I slid my finger slowly down her G string, I thought to myself "this is a nice guitar"
I wasn`t born with enough middle fingers to show you how I really feel about you!
If your dog is fat it means that you don`t get enough exercise.
You have no idea how funny I am to me.
Hi I was calling about the $300/hour part time job I read about in a sexy ad I saw on an illegal torrent site. Are you guys still hiring?