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Teamwork is just another way of saying we will soon be sharing in the blame equally.
Note to self: It`s time to grow up, be responsible, and act like an adult. Self to Note: Shut the f*ck up.
Most problems can be solved with nudity
Today would be a great day to leave a note on a random car that says "I know what you did".
The part of "no" that I don´t understand is the part where I don´t get what I want
The iPad Air is named after what`s left in your bank account when you buy one.
People who don’t understand sarcasm are awesome.
I have never been guilty of taking the smaller pizza slice.
Nothing ruins hump day like not getting humped.
I think...therefore, I am.....single
Life is different in Christian frats: “You should’ve seen this hot chick I didn’t bang.” “Way to save it for marriage, bro.” *fist bump*
I`ve been hiding from exercise ... I`m in the fitness protection program.
Four words that I never want to hear: There is no food
Of course I like you, I gave you that roofie didn`t I?
Newton`s third law of emotion. For every male action there is a female overreaction.