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When I try to fold fitted sheets it looks like I’m in an infomercial that’s exaggerating how difficult it is to fold fitted sheets.
Me: spends 12 hours comparing teams before completing NCAA bracket, loses $50. GF: Spends 5 minutes picking teams with "cute" mascot names, wins $1000.
My daughter wants to know when the hamster we "planted" in the garden will start growing.
Hey, if it doesn`t work out, we can still be friends. Said no guy ever
I can only please one person a day...and today is not your day!
So, when people say "LOLZ", does that mean they laughed themselves to sleep?
Tired of those Political Ads on television?...... You may be entitled to compensation.
The problem with taking the road less traveled is the poor phone signal...
Fun game for parents: Scream in horror the first time your child loses a tooth.
I`ve found that the things I`m most interested in aren`t really in my best interest.
I`m not antisocial. I`m pro leave-me-the-hell-alone.
When are they going to drug test the audience of "The Price Is Right."? No one is that happy
Hey babe, go to Google Earth, zoom in on your house. See that blue cap in the bushes? Hi!
To calculate the average number of times a guy has sex per week, multiply the number of fantasy football leagues he`s in by the number zero.
In the morning there`s a huge difference between 6:00 and 6:05.