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You`re never too old to learn something stupid.
Mrs Bieber.... WHY U NO USE CONDOM?
why call it ordering pizza and not the pursuit of happiness
If you want your team to win a sporting event just tell me. I will root for the other team. That will guarantee a win for your team.
I feel like the majority of Eminem`s songs are just him reading from his diary with angry background music.
When I`m in a good mood I act like I`m in a bad mood so nobody approaches me and ruins my good mood.
Don`t just lay there... Move! Bounce! Do something!! ~ me, pleading with my hair
My girlfriend called me lazy the other day. I almost responded.
If you’re happy and you know it, you’re probably exhausting to be around.
The next time you feel you`re worthless.... just remember.... your organs are worth a LOT of money on the black market.
I`m tough and can take whatever life throws at me ... Especially if its dipped in chocolate first.
Thanksgiving advice: Sit at the kids table for as many years as possible.
If you are not sweating while doing it...then you are doing it wrong.
Most of life is waiting for whatever you`re at to be over.
I paid My 11 year old $10 to do the dishes, then on her way to the bathroom I mugged her...because, you know, life lesson.