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Attempting to guilt me in to doing something, is the surest way to make sure it never happens.
Geez. I make one little mistake and my pharmacist now adds "by mouth" on the prescription label.
My face hurts from pretending to like you.
I hope we`re friends until we die and then I hope we stay ghost friends and walk through walls and scare the sh!t out of people.
I want to be something scary for Halloween so I am going as a positive pregnancy test......
No toilet paper.. goodbye socks
If a bag is not resealable then it contains one serving. I don`t make the rules.
Make fun of George Bush all you want, but he would have found a way to bomb North Korea before they shut down Hollywood.
I`m not a mechanic so I don`t know why, but my car seems to make a screaming noise whenever I run over people.
Funny how the closer I get to the bar the friendlier I become.
She’s thinking about having beer pong at her reception… that’s walking a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Due to no supervision and sheer lack of self control; I sincerely with GREAT guilt! Here now inform you. I ate your banana split
If I`m your emergency contact, for your sake, I hope that hospital sends texts too.
I’m glad to know that we will never have to worry about a lack of weathermen. I mean, I know at least a couple dozen on Facebook.
Someone smells like cigarettes and bad decisions.......Oh it`s me? Sorry about that.