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What`s it called when you always have a sweet tooth, but it`s only for booze?
I don`t really want to make bad choices; but I`m always late, and all the good choices are already taken..
When does hibernation start? Because I am 100% participating in that.
Hypothetically, when is the right time to tell your divorce attorney that you`ve never been married and you love spending time with him?
If everything goes as planned, tonight I shall drink myself beautiful.
I got a lot more sleep back when phones were only used for calling people.
You can always make any conversation awkward by pulling out and starting a stopwatch without saying why you’re doing it.
I enjoy going to costume parties that have a theme. ..."Nude Beach" is my personal favorite.
Things that make women emotional- 1) sad movies 2) love stories 3) anything 4) everything
The heat index is somewhere between OMG and WTF!
I only use shampoo that smells like raspberries so people don`t think it`s weird when I have jam in my hair.
I DON`T HATE YOU,I`M JUST NOT NECESSARILY EXCITED ABOUT YOUR EXISTENCE!
I’m pretty sure I could start a new life with only the crap in my car.
Cats spend two thirds of their lives sleeping, and the other third making viral videos.
Immature: A word boring people use to describe fun people.