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I love you with all my thighs. I would say my heart, but my thighs are much bigger.
I keep trying to avoid trouble but I think it likes me.
According to physics heat makes matter expand.....therefore I don`t have a weight problem....I`m just hot
The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage.
I can only please one person a day...and today is not your day!
I`m at my neighbor`s house having a delicious dinner. Hope I finish before they get home.
my phone battery lasts longer than relationships this days !
As funny as it might be, It`s never polite to yell "Tuba Lesson!" Before farting.
At a wedding reception I recently attended someone said, "All the married men please stand next to the person who has made your life worth living." The bartender was nearly crushed to death.
I`m pretty sure even Santa wishes they would stop playing Christmas music on the radio this time of year.
Marriage. Because your sh*tty day doesn`t have to end at work
I just found a whip, a mask and handcuffs in my mom’s bedroom. I can’t believe it.. She’s a superhero!
If you`re confident enough, every zoo is a petting zoo.
Going to the toilet without your phone is like going to war without a gun
So exactly what age will I stop falling over while trying to put on my underwear?