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Does this status update make me look fat?
Friends are like boobs... Some are real some are fake.
Sorry I pissed you off, but I find you much more entertaining this way.
People that walk behind cars get exhausted
Today I will kick a$$, and make dreams happen...but first, Coffee.
How long does it usually take for a Happy Meal to start working?.... It`s been an hour.
Never cry over spilt milk. It could`ve been whiskey.
You mean.. people run? On purpose? When nobody is chasing them?
Hi, we`re a group of teens who solve mysteries! We wanna be taken seriously so we wrote a theme song about how we can`t ever find our dog.
Mashed potatoes really beg the question: “what else could we massively improve by squashing the hell out of it?”
It scares me when the lights go out and it`s complete darkness. The first thing I think is ... OMG I just went blind!
bitches want what they cant have..or thats what I keep telling myself
no..i am not drunk, floors needs hugs too ! :p
Printing an expiration date on a bag of Cheetos is just a waste of ink.
I bought a screwdriver bit for my electric drill. It`s useful for converting ordinary phillips screws into non removable screws.