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Do you know what really makes me smile? Facial muscles.
I came across 3 snakes while mowing the yard today, but those of you in North America already know that because you heard me scream
great day! laundry done, dishes and house cleaned.... who am I kidding? been drinking since 9 am!!
Ladies, life is short. So buy the shoes!
sorry but your password must contain an "uppercase letter, a number, a haiku, a gang sign, a hieroglyph, and the blood of a virgin"
I like to walk around the house naked. Until the cops chase me back inside.
If you have alphabet fridge magnets and morals, you probably shouldn`t invite me over.
Now working on my 2nd million. I gave up on the first.
Sometimes I wish my dog could talk…then I remember all the things he has seen me do when I’m alone.
I spend hours on Facebook and then think, “Well, that was pointless”
My body is by no means a temple but it can be one heck of a amusement park ride...
Farts are like children. I`m proud of mine and disgusted by yours.
The amount of time my smartphone spends plugged in charging, you might as well want to call it a Land-line
Send me one more game request and I`m showing up at your house drunk, at 4am, naked and demanding a game of Twister
Are you always this stupid or is today a special occasion?