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Do you think they still give out chips in Gambler`s Anonymous?
The only thing I`m really learning from this 401K meeting at work this morning is that I`ll probably never be able to retire.
So when a couple gets engaged on Facebook for April Fools it`s okay to comment "hahaha" but the rest of the year it`s rude??
I once dated a meteorologist just so I could be with a woman who wasn`t right all the time.
I was asked what I look for in a relationship. Apparently, "A way out" wasn`t the right answer.
My wife just opened a jar of pickles by herself and I can`t help but think that my days around here are numbered...
My cat’s gonna be homeless unless he comes up with something funny to post on YouTube.
I don`t know why friends and family keep getting pregnant when I have two kids right here they can have.
$5.99 Trojan condoms or $19.99 Huggies diapers. Choose wisely...
I think people who challenge me at Words With Friends are most impressed with my vast knowledge of three letter words.
My wife and I laugh at how competitive we are at things, but I laugh more.
Chip clips are for quitters.
"LSD causes users to lose weight" Obviously. You can`t eat when a dragon is guarding the fridge.
Getting another set of teeth would be much more useful at age 60 than age 6.
Masturbating in front of your partner in the hope that she’ll join does not always work. And people on the bus stare at you.