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I’m going to start wearing a whistle around my neck, so I can call penalties on people who piss me off.
Who else has dropped the phone on their face while laying in bed reading Facebook?
Does ke$ha go by k€sha in Europe?
Sorry I cut you off mid-sentence so I could sprint after an ice cream truck.
Who needs a social life when you have Netflix and a fridge full of food?
Judge: I`ve decided to give your ex-wife $350/month for child support. Me: That`s very generous. I`ll try and kick in a little myself.
I am going to write a book about A.D.D., because .. I love fishing. -LOL
If I ever only have 3 months to live, I want my ex wife to be with me. That would be the longest 3 months of my life.
You say tomato, I say summertime snowball.
And yet another year goes by with People magazine failing to recognize my beauty.
Have you ever looked at someone and realized "WTF" is always what immediately comes to mind?
Jack daniel was found dead by johnie walker at castle strt under savanna tree,captain morgan believed dat he was killed by strongbow.his 4cuzns said that he was best in j&b club at knights...
I`m flattered that you took time out from your lack of a life to judge mine.
Why has someone not invented a see-through toaster yet?
"Oh!Look The Smurfs Grew Up!"Grandma those are Avatars." -_-