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I wish there was an observation deck at WalMart.
If any of you ever want your kitchen painted orange just give a six year old Cheetos for lunch and tell them not to make a mess. Works every time.
Today is National I Don`t Feel Like Doing Sh!t Day. Celebrate accordingly.
We Should Have A Way Of Telling People Their Breath Stinks Without Hurting Their Feelings. Like: "I`m bored, let`s go brush our teeth"
If you are going to call the cops every time you spot me in your bushes I don`t think this relationship is going to work.
Do you think when Spider-Man gets stoned with Batman and the Hulk he sometimes thinks the spider on his chest is real and freaks out?
I read in a book somewhere that we only use 12% of our brains....I wonder what the other half is for?
Why is there an eject button on the DVD remote? You still have to get up & take the disc out. It`s like having a remote to open the fridge.
A recent study found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found that Americans drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year. That means that, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon!
They called themselves geologists because stoners was already taken.
There are people on Facebook who don`t realize the difference between "What`s on your mind" or "I should talk to a therapist about this"
Some days you just can`t get home to your liquor fast enough
Taco Tuesday sends a terrible message to our nation`s children. They need to know that tacos are always an option no matter what day it is.
It`s nice to feel wanted. Even if it`s by the FBI.
Stay Calm, take a breath, and reload.