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I hate it when people beg for likes, like if you agree?
Some people just need sympathetic pat.........on the head........with a hammer
A penny for your thoughts. Five bucks if they`re dirty.
I wish there was more BitStrips and photos of giraffes on my Facebook
Don`t threaten to leave people, surprise them by actually leaving.
As long as there is an open textbook in front of you, nobody will question what you are doing on your laptop.
Maybelline claims to make eyelashes appear three times longer…..I think they should start making condoms.
Why do people have to get ready for bed? I`m always ready for bed.
I plucked my first gray hair today ... Man, that lady was upset.
Wait, carjacking doesn`t mean masturbating in my vehicle? Then no, I didn`t get arrested for carjacking.
What idiot called it a driver`s test and not a Game of Cones?
You can either be right, or you can be the husband.
Facebook - the place where you can whine and get likes for it...
My favorite exercise is a combination of a lunge and a crunch. It`s called lunch.
My boss yelled at me yesterday "It`s the fifth time you`ve been late to work this week! Do you know what that means?!" I said, "Probably that it`s Friday?"…