Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Dear automatic flushing toilet. I appreciate the enthusiasm, but I wasn`t quite finished...
I`m only a morning person on December 25th
Remember the good old days when LOL meant "Laugh out loud" and not "I can`t think of a good reply"?
I`ll show up at the gym when they put in a drive-thru.
A garbage disposal is just a device for finishing off all the food no one else in the house will eat.
When you screw up, menopause can be a wonderful excuse for stupid things you do or say!!!
ALERT: Missing Unicorn...if you find it, you`re probably high
Yea...sure! I was hoping someone would come and stand uncomfortably close to me today
People are like slinkeys; they don’t really serve a purpose, but you can’t help but laugh when one of them falls down the stairs.
Putting on deoderant and colonge because you haven`t showered in days, is as about as useful as shutting the lid on a toilet after its overflowing.
It`s so strange to think that before Facebook all of this nonsense just stayed in people`s heads
I just hope my stalker doesn`t tell my dentist how infrequently I floss.
To all my ex girlfriends. Don`t worry. I`m still an asshole.
When I see somebody get on one knee tying their shoe in public I get in front of them, happy cry, and say “Oh my GOD, I will, YES-YESS!”
With my luck, I’ll die and get reincarnated as myself.