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I`m going to hell in every religion!
I use to be addicted to soap, but now I`m clean
People who don’t understand sarcasm are awesome.
In a perfect world Taco Bell would deliver...
Just think of me as the guy next door. With a telescope.
Helpful Tip: Dont laugh when the cop says penal system ... oh and I need bail money again.
When I`m older, I`m going to buy one of those Volkswagen Bugs. Only because I have a excuse to hit my wife every time we go somewhere.
I understand vampires being invisible in mirrors, but what the hell happens to their clothes?
I puked in the backseat of my friend`s brand new Mustang in the Fall of 1989. There wasn`t any social networking back then, so I`m telling you all now...
When I see a hot girl walking by, I like to look at her and blink very fast and repeatedly so it looks like shes walking in slow motion. Everything is better in slow motion =)
It`s amazing how much us guys complain about women and then fully trust them with our pen!ses in their mouth.
Slightly used Christmas tree only one month old. Paid $60. Looking for $40. No low ballers. Serious inquiries only. Come on let`s get this thing done.
It usually only takes about five minutes into any conversation I’m having before people start shaking their head and quoting the bible.
If sex between 3 people is called a Threesome and sex between 2 people is called a Twosome... Why is Handsome still a compliment?
Hell hath no fury like a girl tagged in an unapproved pic on Facebook.