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Whenever I’m bored I stop a stranger and ask “where am I?” and whatever they say I runaway screaming “Hahaha I’m a genius! I can teleport!”
If it`s true that opposites attract, I should be looking for someone that gets up early and does stuff
I`m not bothered if someone likes me or Not. Even Angels are hated by Demons.
You millennials and your obsession with public healthcare. Back in my day we just died
When my husband gives me shit for taking too long to get ready, I remind him that you never know when you`ll meet the man of your dreams.
Logging in to Facebook has become the equivalent of opening the fridge door and staring inside even though you`re not hungry.
Sometimes I get up really early, drink some coffee and read some awesome motivational quotes. Then I go back to bed.
Weird how “news” and “fact checking” are treated like two separate concepts these days.
Where there`s a will I want to be in it
To the teenager that flipped me off for honking at you. Your phone is on top of your car.
I`ve been single so long now I don`t remember what it`s like for someone to be mad at me for something I didn`t even know it did!
Remember before the internet when all the people at the video store knew you watched porn alone on Saturday mornings
Saw a bird sh*t on my car, so I ate scrambled eggs on my front step, just to show him what I`m capable of.
Rumors are like fires. No one admits to starting them and before you know it, they`re out of control.
The best time to re evaluate your life is when you find your self awake at 3 am reluctantly nodding yes to the questions being asked at the beginning of an infomercial