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If you see someone wearing camouflage, make sure to walk right into them so they know it`s working.
I can´t wait until Weight Watchers comes out with a beer.
Why don’t we just take the safety labels off of everything and let this stupidity problem solve itself?
happy 3rd birthday to the tartar sauce in my fridge
Urgh..I just dropped my phone, are you guys alright?
I am not bossy, I just know how to do things the right way.
I just found handcuffs, a whip and a mask in my girlfriend’s bedroom. I can’t believe she’s a super hero.
Have you ever stopped to think, and forgot to start again?
When bears are around, try to look skinny and they won`t eat you. If that doesn`t work, kick your buddy in the nuts and RUN!
Long time ago I used to be young and handsome.. Today? Just handsome
That awkward moment when you leave a store without buying anything and all you can think is "act natural, you`re innocent".
I`m sleeping in tell Friday so ... Happy Tuesday.
I`ve finally decided to do something about my weight. Lie.
If zombies attack the world, everyone will run and hide. Except for us gamers, of course. We`ve been waiting for this all our lives!
I have a "honk if you think I`m sexy" bumper sticker on my truck so that way on the way to work, if I`m not feeling to excited to be there, I sit at a green light until I feel better.