Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I fold my laundry just like everyone else. About 3 weeks after the dryer buzzes.
When choosing a ring tone, always ask yourself, "How embarrassed will I be when this rings in public?"
Walmart killed the traveling circus.
I think the guy who invented the word kumquats should have gotten to name more stuff!
So, I hear Colorado`s population has increased 420%.
I`m not a father, but I have been called "daddy" a few times.
The early bird gets the worm. But the rest of the birds can get McGriddles until 10:30.
My wife says I talk while I sleep. But I’m skeptical. Nobody at work has ever mentioned it.
I bet Bruce Wayne sometimes accidentally signs his credit card receipts “Batman” when he’s drunk. I know I do.
A man is as faithful as his options
My “I hate you” face must look a lot like my “I’m loving this conversation” face.
Women say they want a guy who can make them laugh. I`d probably have done better if they`d specified that they didn`t mean by tickling.
I wish I was full of tacos instead of feelings.
Let’s just call a vacation what it is: the opportunity to live like an alcoholic for a little while.
I really have to stop using this little microphone on my phone that types whatever you say as it keeps making mistakes punctuation point