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Beer and a 44 magnum with an everclear shot makes everything good like Nintendo
The secret to eternal life and happiness could be hidden in the Terms & Conditions and we would never know.
Trying to learn Mandarin Chinese but the amount of money I`m spending on fortune cookies is getting ridiculous.
Due to inflation, a picture is now only worth 700 words.
Is beer cheaper off the kids menu
We should`ve let the guy who named oranges keep naming other stuff.
The fastest way to get someone to call you back is to take a shower.
I could do so much more if I only had minions.
Another day....another 0.2% of a dollar
IRS: We`ve got what it takes to take what you`ve got.
i make the other half of the Oreo watch.
I finally got some medication for my Attention Deficit Disorder. Now if I could just remember the name of it and where I left it at.
Don’t bother looking up “impose.” It’s next to impossible.
I`m so good, I scream my own name out during sex.
I don`t get nearly enough credit for managing not to be a violent psychopath