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When you wish upon a shooting star, all your dreams will come true. Unless the star is really a meteor about to destroy the earth. Then, you´re pretty much dead no matter what you wish for.
I wish I could talk to donkeys so I could be known as the ass whisperer.
if its got tits you will get nothing but trouble !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don’t understand ads on porn sites. like who is ever in the middle of jerking off then goes like “woah! that’s the new detergent?”
If I randomly burst out in laughter, it`s usually `cause I just told myself a joke I`d never heard before :)
The Discovery Channel should be on a different channel every day.
Just remember, every day is a gift from God. Well except for Monday.. Satan slips that one in. He’s a sneaky bastard.
Momma didn`t raise no fool. I did this all on my own.
The bottle of Pepto Bismol say’s 4 out of every 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one of them enjoys it?
I`m glad it`s the thought that counts because I spend all day thinking about the sh!t I should be doing.
I would probably die of sleep deprivation if Facebook added a dislike button
gave up trying to understand women years ago. Women understand women and they hate each other.
If you can make a woman laugh, you`re almost there. If you`re almost there & she laughs, now that`s a different thing.
"Please take a seat" was a bad introduction for a Kleptomaniacs` Anonymous meeting.
I really like this new reality show "Neighbor Without Drapes"