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Shhh...you had me at "alcohol may intensify effect..."
The best moments in life are simple… you know like when you sit down and get comfy and the remote is magically next to you.
If others are jealous, you’re doing something right.
My New Year`s resolution for 2014 is to do something about my procrastination.
That moment when you think you know somebody then they pull out an entirely new bag of stupid.
No matter what you do on the computer you always end up on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram or Youtube.
My theory: Every squirrel you see is currently on a dare from another squirrel
Divorce: Step 1: She throws all your sh!t in the street Step 2: The judge says you have to give it all back to her.
What happens when Batman sees Catwoman? The Dark Knight Rises.
Relationship status: Private. The only way for it to be.
I usually want to post intelligent and witty comments. But I end up posting stupid and funny ones so my friends can understand them.
You say toilet, I say alcohol vomit receptacle.
My favorite part of seeing someone I know in public is pretending I didn’t.
?"Cheating" is such a strong word. I rather call it "talent scouting".
Girls here`s an idea, instead of spending all that money on makeup. Just buy your guy a bottle of Jack Daniels.