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Today`s big idea - Coffee eye drops
Hey, somebody get ready to wake up the guy in Green Day.
"Rear facing, pedal activated photon cannon" sounds much more badass than "brake lights"
Statistics show that 3 out of 5 people.. aren`t the other 2.
If I wasn`t supposed to have vodka for breakfast they shouldn`t have made it taste so good with orange juice.
Gray hair is the human body`s equivalent of low toner.
My walk of shame is when I have to take all the the empty Taco Bell bags out of my car and bring them to the garbage can.
I think that work and microwave minutes are longer than regular minutes.
When someone calls you a bitch just say a bitch is a dog, a dog barks, bark is on trees, trees are nature and nature is beautiful. thanks for the compliment ;)
I hate long distance relationships. That`s why I moved the fridge into my bedroom.
The problem with sex in the movies is the popcorn usually spills.
U have 10 fish, 5 drown, 3 come back to life. how many fish do you have?? stop counting smart one fish can`t drown
My bedroom is perfect for a one night stand, but there’s no room for two night stands.
i havnt seen any status`s about ninjas lately.... well played ninjas
After reading some marriage post, I`m beginning to suspect we all may have been married to the same person.