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My wife said we should try some role reversal in bed last night. So I said I had a headache.
says, I am not an alcoholic. I am a social drinker. Problem is, I socialize too much!
You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out.
Making an effort in the last of 2014 to cut away distractions so I can spend more time with my iPhone.
Some people should be very grateful I don`t have mob connections.
The best way to a woman`s heart is by saying three words - You lost weight.
If your phone gets wet, try putting it in a bag of dry rice. At night the rice will attract Asians who will fix your phone for you.
I don`t post a lot of personal statuses - but when I do it`s all about you ..
I want to lose weight, but I don`t want to get caught up in one of those "Eat right and exercise" scams.
I`ve accidentally swallowed a load of scrabble pieces.........My next poop could spell trouble.
Happy 15th birthday google, 3 more years and you will be able to search for adult sites legally
My parents never asked me to run away from home, but there were many unexplained one way tickets.
A "Tap Out" sticker on your mini van still makes it a mini van.
"My place is a mess" - Every girl, ever.... "Well in that case, I`m not coming in" - No guy, ever.
Sneezing when you pee is only recommended when you`re in a public toilet.