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If my statuses had a smell.. they would smell funny
If we learned anything from the Mayans, it’s that if you don’t finish something, it’s not the end of the world
Who else`s favorite Spring time game is "Guess how deep that pothole really is."
I tried being awesome today, but I was just so tired from being awesome yesterday.
A lot of people do not realize that the actor who played Wilson in Castaway is the same actor from the volleyball scene in Top Gun.
I never forget a breast, I mean face. I never forget a face.
Caterpillars have the ideal life. They eat a lot and then sleep for a while and wake up beautiful.
My phone just changed, `calendar` to `cake radar` and now I really wish I had that.
Right before I die, my last words will be, "I left a million dollars in the........
99% of people in this world are stupid. Luckily I`m part of the other 5%.
If Jesus is the reason for the season.......why is the church parking lot empty and Wal Marts is full?
My career plans were much more exciting when I was 5
It`s damn funny when a wife think`s she`s punishing her husband by not talking to him for days..
my girlfriend does that cute thing, where she doesnt exist.
None of us have it as bad as the porcupine giving birth to another porcupine.