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They call cat people crazy but they`re not the ones outside at 5AM putting fresh dog poop into little baggies.
They told me to come here and write something funny, so I`m gonna post my bank account balance: -$4.09
Teaching your own mother how to use Facebook is like willingly signing your own death warrant
If running away from my problems counts as exercise then yes, I work out a lot.
My fantasy is having two men at once. One cooking. One cleaning.
I don’t trust joggers, it’s a little too convenient that they are always the ones to discover dead bodies.
Somewhere, right this minute, someone is reading this sentence.
I bet Snowmen think it`s weird that the ground is completely covered in their skin.
I need a leaf blower, but for people.
The most effective way to torture young people is to make them watch old people use a computer.
I`m not sure how many problems I have because math is one of them.
Why is there an eject button on the DVD remote? You still have to get up & take the disc out. It`s like having a remote to open the fridge.
If you try to pronounce “lmao” you sound like a french cat.
"You only live once" is also an equally compelling reason not to do something extreme or stupid.
Well it`s almost time for that " New Year -- New Me " bullsh_t again!