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At the end of the day, it`s 11:59pm.
Pretend it`s a beer... Pretend it`s a beer... Pretend it`s a beer... - Me trying not to drop a baby.
Alcohol. Because who really wants to remember last night?
the kids next door have challenged me to a water balloon fight. just updating my status while waiting on the water to boil.
How awesome would it be if boobs made maraca sounds when you shook them? LOL
I`d kill for a microwave that plays Europe`s “The Final Countdown” during the last 30 seconds.
You can tell a man`s age by how close their socks are to their knees.
You know its going to be a b!tch of a day when you put your bra on backwards and it fits better.
You gotta hand it to blind prostitutes
I`m starting to think that Dr. Dre isn`t a real doctor after all...
I don’t mean to brag but when I’m at the Taco Bell drive thru placing my order, I don’t even look at the prices.
If you`ve never baked pot brownies in an Easy Bake Oven... then you`ve never wrote an apology letter to your sister with an Etch A Sketch.
Wanted a nap but had trouble getting to sleep. So I put on Seeking a Friend for the End of the World. Now 13 hours later, I`m well rested.
Success is like being pregnant. Everybody congratulates you, But nobody knows how many times you were ****** before you got there.
They say dolphins are the second smartest animal after humans, but I`ve never seen a dolphin with a face tattoo.