Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I shook the vending machine until my chips fell, so yeah, Iām a hunter-gatherer.
FITNESS TIP: Set a regular gym schedule that`s easy to keep up with. For example, I work out once every 4 years after I vote for president.
I`ve ended up encountering much less porridge than I had expected I would as a child.
I`m not impatient. You`re just slow.
I used to be a camera man in the porn industry but it became too hard...
When you are dead, you don`t know you are dead, but other people do. The same applies when you are stupid.
My last post deserves WAY more likes than that....let`s go people....chop chop!
is in that awkward phase of the day between never drinking again and noon.
I had no plans on looking sexy today, but sh!t happens.
I think Iām allergic to mornings.
I glued the TV remote to my wife. I`m expecting her to go missing any second now.
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
If you`re really really quiet, you can hear yourself doing the world a favor.
If you`re already in the cop car, I really can`t see how puking in it could make things any worse.
Do feminists look under their beds for the boogie woman?