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Just saw someone holding a sign that said "Honk 2 impeach Obama" You`d think the process to impeach a president would be more complicated
To those that manufacture and market tight, thin yoga pants to fit college girls; I love you man.
"Stay out of the heat & stay hydrated." Thank you news-anchor. It`s my first summer.
Sometimes entire relationships can only be described as "that weird thing I did for a while."
I feel like water solves all problems. Wanna lose weight? drink water .. clear face ? Drink water.. Tired of your better half? Drown them
My doctor told me to start killing people. Well it wasn`t those exact words. He said I needed to reduce the stress in my life.
Does "who cares" count as advice?
I need more people like me in my life
If a gay guy doesn`t write a book called "Fifty Shades of Haaaaaayyy" I`ll be disappointed.
I hate it when I`m trying to take a selfie and somebody calls my camera.
69% of people find something dirty in every sentence.
Is it yoga if you wear sweatpants all day and then hunch over the garbage can as you eat a burrito?
My doctor recommended I increase the amount of Greens in my diet...so I started drinking more Rolling Rock.
There`s not much more gratifying than seeing a chick who thinks she`s super hot trip on her high heels.
“I’m going to be a little bit late” -people that are going to be very late