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Facebook: Saving us money on birthday cards since 2004
Do you ever notice that when you´re driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac?
sorry but your password must contain an "uppercase letter, a number, a haiku, a gang sign, a hieroglyph, and the blood of a virgin"
I love Alfredo sauce ... Unless you`re a dude named Alfredo.
I really would like to take a yoga class. But I really can`t trust my farts.
News flash, ladies. Men are settling for you, too.
Think big, Think smart, Think positive, Think beautiful, Think great,I know this is too much for u,so here is a shortcut-Just think about me
If you want a successful relationship, find someone who likes the same thermostat setting you do.
Being an adult is a lot like going to the vet. We`re all excited for the ride until we realize what it`s like where we`re going.
I lost my mood ring today. Not sure how to feel about it
My favorite mythical creature is the happy b*tch in tampon commercials.
My decision making skills closely resemble that of a squirrel crossing the street.
I just made an emergency survival kit. You know, for emergencies. It looks like all my other kits, but don`t be fooled; this one is red and has more liquor.
Days that I don’t have to care about my appearance are my favorite days.