Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Funny how 8 glasses of water a day seems impossible, but 8 beers a day seems so easy
Insomnia sharpens your math skills because you spend all night calculating how much sleep you`ll get if you`re able to "fall asleep right now."
Its never polite to ask the guy at the next table "are you done with that?" Especially when he`s breaking up with his girlfriend.
According to cannibals it only takes one vegetarian to make vegetarian chili.
I think a good gauge of my personality is that I watch Homeland to relax.
Hangman was my favorite childhood learning game that promoted hanging someone for a wrong answer.
Anybody else have those FB friends that set up a FB account 4 years ago and posted once or twice and hasn`t been back on since? And you wonder how they can exist without a Life?
It’s called sarcasm, and it confuses stupid people.
Talk to your kids about drugs. Maybe they have better connections than you.
am a bomb technician...anytime you see me running. Try keep it up
Your screenshots of text message conversations tell me: 1. you have a great sense of humor 2. to never trust you
I bet if Jesus had turned water into Vodka. The Bible would`ve been a lot more interesting.
You win some, you lose some...unless you`re me, then you win them all.
Me in a shopping mall: "I like that stuff" *looks at pricetag* "i don`t like it anymore"
If you see a guy with no arms and your first thought is “My God how does he drink his beer??”, You might be an alcoholic.