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Coffee – because most people frown on alcohol first thing in the morning.
is cuddling up with a good book and a cup of tea. Ah, who am I kidding... I´m looking at Hustler and having a beer.
No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping paper tube is still a light saber.
I wish I could afford to be as weird as I wanna be.
Teenage girls hang out in odd numbered groups because they literally can`t even.
Women`s magazines are so funny. 1: You`re beautiful and perfect just the way you are! 2: How to lose 20 pounds in 10 days.
If your significant other is mad at you, put a cape on them and say "Now you`re super mad!" If they laugh marry them.
Oh well, this time isn`t going to procrastinate itself.
I`m fat, but I blame my dog for not exercising me enough.
Men think they have it bad, but they`re not the ones having to hold their boobs when they run.
A naughty thought is a terrible thing to waste
I asked him about his weekend, but apparently what happens in vagueness, stays in vagueness.
Man cannot live on bread alone ... hence beer and stuff.
On one issue, at least, men and women agree: they both distrust women.
All cookies are "bite size" if you believe in yourself enough.