Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Finally figured out what women want...SECURITY!!!......(At least that`s what they all yell when I try to talk to them...)
I think the guy who invented the word kumquats should have gotten to name more stuff!
My New Year`s resolution is to stop pointing my car alarm remote at my apartment front door expecting to unlock it
Your just jealous because u don`t hear the voices.
I’m the king of balancing more trash on top of an already full trash can.
A bachelor party is a lot more appropriate after a divorce than before a wedding.
“How are feeling today?” is a polite reminder that you were a mess the night before.
Good Morning: You, my friends are the reason I wake up every morning ? LOL JK, I have to pee.
I wish I was important enough for my nudes to get leaked.
If I didn`t drink, how would everyone know how much I love them at 2am?
If you don`t like my facebook posts, feel free to delete me and solely visit your friends` pages where the big news of the day is when their grandkids finally took a $hit all by themselves.
I just hope my stalker doesn`t tell my dentist how infrequently I floss.
To all my friends who sent me best wishes for 2013, for 2014 could you please send money, alcohol or petrol vouchers…Cheers!
Just remember, outside of that beautiful slim bride on her wedding day there’s a fat woman just waiting to get in.
No matter how compelling and convincing the other person’s argument is, you can always win a debate by adding “yeah, but still” at the end.