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Halloween Drinking Game: Drink every-time an Elsa (from Frozen) visits your house.
it`s not that I`m bad at remembering names, I`m just awesome at forgetting them.
According to Tetley the best way to make a cup of tea is to agitate the bag so i slap her arse and shout "cup ot tea fatty"
Some marriages end up fine, the others last forever.
Lady`s if you want guys to look at your face instead of your chest ... eat a banana.
I gauge a person’s wealth by the level of protection on their iPhone. No case, huge salary.
ah... Crocs the 21st century version of the chastity belt
I always tell my kids that it`s ok to make mistakes as long as you learn how to blame them on other people.
I do what I want, when I want, where I want. If my wife says it`s okay.
I`m obviously smarter than you`re
Please pray for the people still playing Farmville on Facebook.
The secret to enjoying good wine: Open to let it breathe. If it appears not to be breathing, apply mouth to mouth.
What idiot decided it should be my foot`s asleep instead of coma toes?
When I die I want someone to play that little death jingle from Mario Bros at my funeral.
I dont run from my problems, I chase them ... with alcohol