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Million dollar idea: Duck Dynasty chia pets.
People treat New Year’s like some sort of life changing event. If your life sucks today, it’s probably still going to suck tomorrow ... Just sayin
You`re not a geek or a nerd because you always have to have the latest high tech gadgets and electronics. YOU`RE RICH
Dad: Son its a fact that masturbation can lead to blindness. Me: Dad... Im over here ..
I wonder if the Happy Birthday wishes I send out to my Facebook friends would mean the same to them if they knew that I was sitting on the toilet.... LOL
No matter how little I do in a day. I always feel like I could have done less.
You think your life is bad? I’ve got that “Five dollar foot long” song stuck in my head
There is no greater stress than the stress of a guy who forgot his phone & left it at home with his wife.
I never said I hated you. I just said that if you where on fire, I would consider roasting marshmallows. Big difference.
If you`ve lost your appetite today, I think I have it.
Just so you know, I am already planning on being an a$$hole tomorrow.
I don`t wanna be told what to do unless I`m naked
I`m not the cat lady type. I`m more like an actual cat. I want affection when I want it and on my terms. The rest of the time I want to claw out your eyes and piss in your shoe.
Do you ever just look at someone and think "Wow, let me take off your pants."
They say 15 minutes of exercise every day will add 3 years to your life. The problem is that it adds the 3 years to your 80s not your 30s.