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I don’t repeat gossip, so listen carefully
My boss told me to have a good day so I went home.
"What did you do today?" "I text messaged." :)
Have you ever make fun of someone so much, you think you should thank them for all the good times you´ve had?
They might as well put "Uhhh..." in front of every item on drive-thru menus.
It’s what’s on the inside that counts, unless you’re talking about one of those hollow chocolate bunnies.
I tell people that the secret ingredient in my cookies is “love,” but it’s actually “floor”
I’ve been texting so much lately that I move my thumbs from side to side when I’m actually talking to someone.
If pigs really could fly I bet their wings would taste delicious.
Call me old school, but I think your shorts should be longer than your private parts.
We didn`t take a video recording of our child`s birth but we have some awesome video of his conception.
They always say "love makes the world go around"... They spelled beer wrong.
The best part of being single is that you always get to be right.
This isn`t a bakery. We don`t sugarcoat sh!t
I saw a sign that said "watch for children" and I thought, "That sounds like a fair trade"