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I find you`re total lack of ambition is inspiring.
This bulk box of peanuts I got from Costco tastes like styrofoam.
sometimes i look at people and think really, thats the sperm that won.
My girlfriend says I shouldn`t plan things so far in advance. Well, she`s not my girlfriend yet.
I think it`s really strange how some people talk to their animals, give them personalities and make up voices for them. My dog, Benjamin, agrees with me.
I’m not the friend you put on speaker phone.
The more photos you have to untag, the better the weekend was.
I honestly have a fear that one day I`ll leave my house and not be wearing any pants!
Five little words that will win my heart, "I brought beer and pizza."
He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
I think my TV remote has developed some sort of Romulan cloaking technology.
My boss yelled at me today “It’s the fifth time you’ve been late to work this week! Do you know what that means?!” I said, “Probably that it’s Friday?"...
Rich people have rehab. Poor people have jail.
One day I hope the bravery of the people who initiate clapping is recognized.
Was hating my job until I drove past a grown man dressed as a Taco on the side of the road. Thanks again Perspective