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A person who says they will never lie to you is probably lying already.
ALCOHOL! Giving you the ambition to do anything, while simultaneously taking away your capability to do so.
I would like to say to all my 500+ facebook friends, that i love each and every one of you..except you number 371..your a real a@@hole!!
There is really no way of knowing how many chameleons are in the room right now.
This skinny girl just told me she "forgets" to eat? Is that possible? I just licked her face in case it`s contagious.
When I was young I could climb mountains, these days I have to steady myself to fart.
This week’s weather forecast: Sweaty underboobs.
At work hitting the escape key...... Nothing is happening, im still here.
Social experiments where skinny people wear fat suits teach us to be nicer to fat people because it might be a skinny person in a fat suit.
Social networking sites is proof that people should not be allowed to name themselves
If God is a woman then how do you explain: 1) Spiders 2) Shoes you can`t afford 3) Periods 4) Men
Ferris Bueller did more in one day than I’ve done in my entire life.
When life gives you lemons....throw them back and yell, "I wanted cookies!"
I have some serious self-esteem issues. The last time I posted a selfie I first cropped myself out of it.
If I make you breakfast in bed. A simple `Thank you.` is all I need! Not all this `How did you get in my house?` business!