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At least mosquitos are attracted to me.
ALCOHOL - Because no good story ever started with someone drinking a glass of orange juice.
It’s called “Karma” and it’s pronounced [hah hah fuhk yoo]!!
Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.
"I got this." Translated: I most certainly do not have this, but prepare to be thoroughly entertained.
Sitting on my hand until it gets numb so it feels like someone else is folding my laundry.
Why is it called stealing when your WIFI is trespassing in my house?
We had a power outage last week and my PC, TV and games console shut down immediately, so I had to talk to my family for a few hours. They seem like nice people.
I`d like to be poor for a day, because being poor everyday gets to be real annoying after awhile.
You know what would make this Vodka & cranberry better? The Bahamas.
Whatever Mom, IF THAT`S EVEN YOUR REAL NAME!!!
I`m bored, I think I`ll ask my boyfriend if I look fat. - women
If it wasn`t for pizza delivery, you wouldn`t see me shoveling a walkway.
All my passwords are protected by amnesia.
If I was rich, I´d do nothing all day from a much nicer recliner.