Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I wonder if more children were conceived because of alcohol or more alcohol was consumed because of children.
Chaos, panic, & disorder – my work here is done.
I wish more of my handcuff stories involved sex instead of police officers.
I used to wonder what it was like to read people’s minds. Then I got a Facebook account and I got over it.
"I`ll let you know" = I need more time to come up with an excuse
Smile, it´s the second best thing you can do with your lips.
Don`t worry if you had a bad day, remember there are people who have their ex`s name tattooed.
If someone asks for advice, just tell em to follow their heart. No idea what that sh!t means but at least they`re not talking to you anymore.
Common sense is so rare it should be classified as a super power
Tip for Sunday Church: Don`t forget to keep your phones on silent, especially if your ringtone is `I like big butts and I do not lie!`
You know it`s cold outside when during rush hour you get the mitten instead of the finger.
My phone tried to autocorrect "f*cking" to "f*ck king," and I was like hell yeah I am.
A bachelor party seems more appropriate after a divorce than before a wedding.
I’m pretty sure I have atleast one anscestor who would be pretty pissed to find out that helicopters exist and I can’t fly one.
Every store should have one line for people who have their sh!t together.