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"I`d like a bowl of soup please." "Any sides?" "I hope so, or it`ll go EVERYWHERE."
You can`t fix stupid but you can divorce it
I believe in love at first episode.
Liquor makes me happy, You ..... not so much.
Instead of calling it the John, I call my bathroom the Jim. That way I can say I go to the Jim every morning.
I mean really though...Why wash cups when you can just drink out of the jug?
"But why?" - Me at weddings
Long busy day, I need one of those hugs that turns into sex.
My original account got suspended for aggressive behavior and they haven`t even seen me in bed yet.
Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer is my favorite story about how you will get treated like CRAP ... until you have something someone else needs
come on people driving is just like coloring, just stay inside the lines.
I’m not single and I’m not committed… I’m simply on reserve for the one who deserves…
This movie has "adult content"? So, they`re gonna complain about back pains and setting up a 401k?
Wondering if my heart is healthy enough for sex ... volunteers needed.
I rather read the software license agreement for my computer than some peoples Facebook status drama on my newfeeds