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Got in touch with my inner self this morning. That`s the LAST time I buy single ply toilet paper.
If you are offended by the things I post on FB you can only imagine the ones I don`t post.
Women are like bacon: They look good, They smell good, They taste good, And they will kill you slowly.
Why do TV shows say "May contain nudity"? It either does or doesn`t. Don`t make me watch the entire thing and find out the hard way it doesn`t....
I am starting to think I will never be old enough to know better.
Synonym: Word used in place of the one you can`t spell.
Whats the definition of a tree? Something that stands still for forty years then suddenly jumps out in front of a woman driver.
Today`s Generation: "Omg my parents never let me have anything." via iPhone
A cheap way to get Botox face is by walking your dog in zero degree temperature.
How many HA’s equal a LOL? How about a LMAO? Is there a conversion chart somewhere?
Congratulations! You`ve won a lifetime supply of air: Not valid under water, in space, when dead, or while choking.
The NFL has hired their first female referee ... She will be throwing flags for penalties the teams committed 5 years ago.
thumbs up if you pee on the side of the toilet to make it quiet.
I`ll vacuum over something a hundred times before I pick it up and place it back down and try again.
I’m not single and I’m not committed… I’m simply on reserve for the one who deserves…