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7 years ago to this day, I swallowed my gum and broke a mirror, so as you might imagine, this is a pretty big day for me.
I love a good nap. Sometimes it`s the only thing that gets me out of bed in the morning.
Your lights are on but I see someone’s been playing with your dimmer switch.
Don`t half a$$ anything. F*ck it up all the way.
There is no such thing as a stupid question, but there are such things as stupid people who ask questions.
State of mind is in no mind to state its state of mind.
It`s never too late to follow your dreams. Unless your dream is to be a child actor, in which case yes, it`s too late.
Big deal, Times Square, I drop the ball at least twice a week.
drinking while working out...it`s called Bacardio
Someone invited me to their dog`s birthday party on Saturday. What a freak! I am NOT coming to your dog`s birthday party! Besides, my cat is getting married that weekend!
Robots can do anything we set their mind to
If you`re crazy and you know it shake your meds...
My dog takes so long to sh!t I can`t believe he`s not out there playing Candy Crush.
Daylight Saving Time rocks. It even makes laziness sound impressive. I did nothing for 24 hours? Not today. I did nothing for 25 hours!
Whoever said "Just showing up is half the battle" (a) didn`t understand battles and (b) probably died quickly after showing up.