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Taco Bell is donating burritos to feed firefighters in Colorado. Talk about putting gas on the fire,
Everyone has fitness goals and I’m over here like, if I burn this many calories I can eat a whole pizza.
Yes I`m still bitter about my name not being mentioned in "Mambo No. 5"
I`m in the awkward time period between not wanting to have pants on, and having to wait for the pizza guy right now...
I can almost always tell when dinosaurs in movies aren’t real.
The judge says I`m a repeat offender, but he always says that.
That awkward moment when you finish watching a TV series and you don’t know what to do with your life any more.
Punctuality is a waste of time since no one is ever there to appreciate it.
Well after 6 months of my girlfriend nagging, I finally did it, I lost 120lbs ... I`m sure gonna miss her.
"My name will live forever!" - Anonymous.
Head and Shoulders should make a body wash called Everything Else
Life is just better when you’re laughing.
When you turn 21, you can legally do all the things you`ve been doing since you were 15.
You know you’re a mom, when someone says they have a stomach ache and you ask if they pooped today.
You seem awesome. I can`t wait to find out what I hate about you.