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That awkward moment when you say goodbye to someone and then both walk in the same direction..
If anyone has ever told you that you snore, just know that person has very carefully weighed the pros and cons of letting you live.
Caterpillars have it made. They eat a lot, go to sleep, then wake up beautiful.
I can update Facebook from anywhere. Even when crossing the stre
If you`re having second thoughts, you`re 2 ahead of most people.
Nobody texts faster than a pissed off female.
I don’t understand shark movies I mean just get out of the water.
Just found out my birthday is the same day I was born... Life is crazy...
Monday :`( Tuesday :-( Wednesday :- Thursday :-/ Friday :-| Saturday :-) Sunday B-)
When I die, before my will is read, I want my entire Google search history revealed and whoever is left in the room gets it all.
When we married, she treated me like a God. As time went by, the letters got reversed
Seriously, it’s almost 2014, can we please get some waterproof phones? I would like to text in the shower.
If at first you don’t succeed, you shouldn’t diffuse bombs.
Me and my cat have been staring at each other for so long I forgot which one of us is stoned.
I used to think I was good at multi-tasking. Turns out it’s just my multiple personalities doing one task at a time.