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People should mute themselves on conference calls when they are crossing a battlefield and killing enemies to get to the next level.
Telling my kids that the Titanic sunk because Jack and Rose had sex before marriage
Dear Santa, I would like a thin body and a fat bank account. Don’t mix it up this year!
Survival rule #1: You go first.
Basketball would be a lot more exciting if each team was allowed one bear.
bras are booby-traps
Whenever I try cleaning my room I either end up making a bigger mess, or just playing with the stuff I thought I lost.
Whenever I give money to the homeless, I get yelled at that "they are just gonna buy booze with it". All I can think is ... Oh like I wasn`t ..
Do transformers have health insurance or car insurance???
I am really thankful that I have a desk job. I could never get all my personal stuff done at home.
This is 2016. How come I can`t email someone a fart when I feel like it?
First, Ray Rice. Now, Adrian Peterson. The prison football league is going to be off the chain this year.
Currently helping my sister look for her chocolate`s I ate 4hrs ago.
Some people walk into your life and leave footprints on your heart. Some people walk into life and make you want to leave footprints on their face
iTunes got it all wrong, the hottest single of the year is me.