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"I`d hit that" -old people who drive
it`s not that I`m bad at remembering names, I`m just awesome at forgetting them.
This beer tastes like future mistakes.
I can walk up to any dog, rub its belly and make a friend ... That trick rarely works on people.
Can someone`s face be a pet peeve?
You are living proof that the Lord is testing me.
Some people just need to be clothes lined
A guy at work calls me "Partner" and another guy calls me "Chief". Apparently we`re playing Cowboys and Indians and I`m a double agent.
my mom and I have so much in common..she doesn`t listen and niether do I :p
A court date is still technically a date, right?
I`ve officially met everyone`s mother yesterday via Facebook so I`m pretty sure that takes me out of the friend zone here ladies
A day without sunshine is like, you know... night
I`ll stop being so lazy when being so lazy stops being so awesome.!!
I drive safer when there`s food on my passenger seat than when there`s a person sitting there.
Be safety conscious. 80% of people are caused by accidents.